


Revenge... Or Something Like It

by Beltenebra



Series: Nino is the King of Messing With People [2]
Category: Arashi (Band), Johnny's Entertainment, KAT-TUN (Band), Kanjani8 (Band)
Genre: Gen, Humor, M/M, Nino is the king of messing with people, Snark, brief mentions of sex, poor MatsuJun's blood-pressure, pranks and hijinks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-28
Updated: 2016-10-28
Packaged: 2018-08-27 14:04:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8404474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beltenebra/pseuds/Beltenebra
Summary: Ryo and Kame do their best to persuade Nino to play nice.





	

Kame sunk down into one of the chairs in the NewS dressing room with a weary sigh. Ryo looked up from his drama script and cocked a questioning eyebrow.

"So I hear you have some experience dealing with Ninomiya and inappropriate advances."

Ryo chuckled, "He pretty much specializes in being inappropriate. So, you've caught his interest. Sucks to be you."

Kame sighed again, "I don't know what to do about it. I don't even know exactly what he wants."

"Ah, I'm pretty sure he just likes to grope people. He fed me some bull about wanting to make me feel loved." Ryo scoffed.

"That's interesting, he told _me_ he wanted to make me feel uncomfortable."

Ryo looked thoughtful, "For Ninomiya, these things might not be dissimilar. Clearly, what we need to do is give him a taste of his own medicine."

Kame looked dubious. "You think we're up to the challenge?"

Ryo grinned, sudden and fierce, "Leave it to me Kamenashi, I've got a plan."

 

**Attempt 1: Up Close and Personal**

When Ryo and Nino were scheduled to appear on the same variety show at the same time Ryo was sure it was fate. He didn't have to specially arrange his schedule or make an appearance request or anything, the perfect chance to discomfit Nino on TV just fell into his lap. He was especially nice to Nino on the set, causing the shorter man to look at him like he was afraid Ryo was some kind of pod person. Nino came up to him during a short break to change the sets over and placed his hand up to Ryo's forehead.

"That's odd, you don't feel warm. So you're not ill. Physically anyway. What is up with you tonight?"

Ryo gave Nino his best wide eyed innocent look a la Tegoshi, which seemed to weird Nino out even further and Ryo was convinced of his imminent victory.

They were all gathered on the set for the end of the show, with Ryo standing right next to Nino. Right behind him and slightly to the side, actually, which suited his purposes perfectly. Ryo waited for the just the right moment. When one of the hosts asked Nino to tell them about his latest project Nino raised his mic to his face and Ryo quickly slid his hand down the back of Nino's pants to give him a wedgie of epic proportions on live TV.

At least that's what was supposed to happen. What _actually_ happened is that Ryo slid his hand down the back of Nino's pants and curved his fingers to grab Nino's underwear only to find nothing there to grab. Instead he found himself out-and-out groping a handful of bare Nino ass. On live TV. Nino was going on about his next drama and the challenges of filming _Door to Door_ as calmly as you please while Ryo panicked, trying to figure out the most unobtrusive way to get his hand out of Nino's pants before someone noticed.

Nino finished his comment, Ryo tried not to let his abject horror show on his face. As the camera slid away from them Nino _flexed_ his _ass_ and murmured over his shoulder with a coy grin, "You know, Ryo-chan, you can feel me up any time. You only need to ask."

Ryo couldn't distance himself fast enough. He wrenched his hand away from Nino and fled to the other side of the stage chased by Nino's dark laughter and knowing smirk.

 

**Attempt 2: Head Games**

 

"Well, I wish you the best of luck, Kamenashi. But I think you are just going to fail miserably. I mean, I did. You don't stand a chance." Kame recalled Ryo's skepticism when he outlined his plan for the NewS member.

He knew as soon as he heard that he would be appearing on VS Arashi to promote the upcoming Gokusen movie that it would be a perfect chance to...regain some dignity? get back some of his own? He had it all worked out, nothing could go wrong. Well actually, he had an annoyingly long mental list of _exactly_ what could go wrong but he was trying to think positively. 

Events seemed to arrange themselves perfectly as the the last game of the show was announced. In the Falling Pipe Catch, the goal was actually to provoke the other player. When Kame took his turn at the controls and Nino volunteered to be the catcher Kame was sure that this was fate. He tried not to read too much into the surreptitious eyebrow wiggle Nino directed at him as he made his way up to the platform.

Kame looked at the numbered buttons and planned his strategy, he had twenty seconds, twenty seconds in which to say something that will provoke a reaction in Ninomiya and hopefully distract him enough so that Kame's team would win. They were ahead by so much that Ninomiya needed to pull off a particularly spectacular catch to overtake them so their team victory was fairly assured. But that would be more of a bonus really. His main focus was retaliation. No problem right? He knew _exactly_ what to say to get each of his band mates riled... but this was different. Ninomiya was tricky. Kame would have to be devious.

Kame selected his numbers and tried to keep his facial expression as neutral as possible. As Ninomiya settled himself into position he grinned toothily at Kame who thought he caught a gleam of anticipation in Nino's eyes before the counter started and Nino's gaze shot up to the ceiling. Right, he needed to make this worth while.

"So I haven't really worked with you closely before, Ninomiya-sempai. But I have heard some... _interesting_ stories about you from my kouhai."

"Interesting, is that good or bad?" Nino sounded genuinely curious.

14 seconds

Kame did his best to keep his voice light and his words heavy with implication. "Sa... who knows?"

Nino chuckled, not breaking his focus on the game at all, "Ah, Kame-kun doesn't think I'm a good sempai? Mean!"

10 seconds

Kame sighed gustily, "Ah, as usual, Ninomiya-sempai makes _that_ kind of remark. You just want to be the center of every one's attention, don't you?"

6 seconds

"Oi! That's not true!" Nino fixed him with what looked like a playful glare but Kame could see that his eyes were narrowed in earnest.

4 seconds

Kame smiled back blithely, "Aren't you doing it _right now_ , sempai?" Kame hit the button and the pipes fell.

With his eyes still locked onto Kame's, Nino's hands shot out to the sides where he gripped both poles, one at the one hundred and one at the fifty, for a spectacular double catch. That gave the Arashi team just enough points to win. Nino's grin was gleeful and as he passed Kame on his way back down he winked. Kame sighed.

~~~

"So... I confronted Ninomiya on VS Arashi the other night."

"Let me guess, your brilliant plan failed."

"Miserably." Kame sighed.

"Clearly it's time for drastic measures."

 

**Attempt 3: Conspiracy**

Kame thought they were going to perpetrate a thrilling break-in complete with lock picking and alarm disabling, but it really just involved Ryo still having a spare key from that one time when Nino was on tour and needed someone to water his houseplants. Kame supposed that sneaking into Nino's bedroom in the very early hours of the morning was probably thrilling enough on its own.

The apartment was nearly silent, Kame could tell which room was the bedroom due to the quiet snoring coming from behind the door. Ryo eased the bedroom door open and they positioned themselves as quietly as possible on either side of the bed. Kame looked down at Nino's face highlighted by a stipe of moonlight coming through the blinds. His face was half-cuddled into his pillow and his mouth was quirked up in a sweet smile. He snored like a tiny puppy, all soft and snuffly. Kame considered it a grave injustice that someone that evil and conniving looked so cute.

Ryo must have picked up on Kame's consternation, because he whispered across the bed, "Adorable little bastard isn't he? I think it must be a defense mechanism."

Kame had enough of a sense of self-preservation not to point out that Ryo had been known to be pretty adorable himself on occasion. In this case he figured that discretion was the better part of not getting his ass kicked by his co-conspirator.

"Ok, this should be fairly easy. He takes a long time to wake up. You grab him and hold his hands while I tie him up." Kame nodded and wondered if he should ask what they were going to _do_ with Nino once he was tied up. They hadn't really discussed this part of the plan in detail and they really oughtn't do it now no matter how long it took Ninomiya to wake up. But Ryo seemed to know what he was doing so Kame guessed they would just wing it.

"Ok, now!" Ryo hissed and Kame grabbed Ninomiya's shoulders hauling him up into a sitting position while Ryo grabbed at his wrists and secured them with rope.

"Hrrrnerg?" Nino blinked sleepily into the light from the lamp Ryo had just turned on. Nino shook his head slowly and tugged his hands a bit experimentally. After a few tugs he yawned and surveyed them a slightly dazed expression. "Ryo-chan... and Kame-kun? What are you guys doing here? And why am I tied up?"

Kame looked at Ryo expectantly, Ryo clapped a hand on one of Nino's shoulders and shoved him back down on the bed, his bound hands behind him. Before Ryo could respond to his questions Nino shook off the rest of his sleep and perked up. "You know, I had a dream kind of like this once. I was being robbed, I think...yeah, robbers. Sexy ones! They tied me up and then we had sex. Hey, are we going to have sex?"

Ryo shook his head, "That was not on the agenda."

Kame arched an eyebrow in agreement with Ryo, "Highly unlikely."

Nino grumbled to himself, "Man, if uppity kouhai are going to go to all the trouble to break into your bedroom in the middle of the night and tie you up, you would at least expect some kind of sex to happen, right?"

"You must be the biggest pain in the ass ever." Ryo bit out with conviction.

Nino smiled brightly up at him, "That can't possibly be true! Have you _seen_ the size of Aiba's c-mmmph!"

Ryo's eyebrows shot up, "Wow, I was just going to _say_ 'stuff a sock in it' but that works. Nice, Kamenashi."

Nino scowled and spit out the sock, he opened his mouth to pick up his diatribe but Kame merely held up a roll of duct tape and Nino continued conversationally, "So what _do_ you want? I mean, you've obviously gone to a lot of trouble."

Ryo glared down at him, "What we want, is for you to stop being such a manipulative jerk."

"Especially not in public, _especially_ not on national television!" Kame was very insistent on this point.

"So.... basically what you want is for me to stop messing with people."

Ryo snorted, "No, we want you to stop messing with _us_. What you do to your band mates or our band mates, for that matter, is your business. If they want you out of their hair, they can plan their own assault."

Nino rolled his eyes, clearly unimpressed, "I can't believe I have to work with such amateurs. First of all, you don't kidnap someone in order to make them promise _not_ to do something, that is lame. I could promise you any old thing to get you to let me go and then you wouldn't be able to enforce it. The theory is that you kidnap someone important to me. So really, you ought to have gone after Oh-chan or something. Secondly, you guys are not even close to ruthless and scary enough, you haven't threatened me _at all_. So, unless your plan is to talk me into submission, you are failing miserably. And finally, you should really knock your kidnapee out before they wake up. Also, Ryo, your knots suck. Unless you improve your skills your captive is just going to do something like this!" And with that Nino twisted his wrists out of their bindings and propelled his body up off the bed with a celerity Ryo had not witnessed from him before. Nino grinned at Ryo and Kame's open mouthed stares from the foot of the bed where he now stood, completely unencumbered by their restraints. "You boys clearly have some homework to do."

With nearly identical expressions of indignation Ryo and Kame both lunged at the smaller man who, at the last possible second, scooted backwards opening the door right behind him and tripping them through it. Suddenly they found themselves in a small, dark space. Kame registered the click of what sounded like a lock with a growing sense of dread.

"I can't believe you fell for that! It is one of the oldest tricks in the book, kids these days _clearly_ don't watch enough cartoons."

Ryo rattled the door handle and found it to be locked securely, "Well sorry if I didn't rot my brain enough to suit you. Just let us out Nino, we'll leave."

"Nope! And don't think you can just jimmy the handle or anything, it locks from the outside like all proper closets ought to!" Nino's voice sing-songed through the door.

Kame assessed the situation. Not only had they failed to discomfit Ninomiya in any way really, but they were now locked his bedroom closet until he decided to let them out. So . . . god knows how long. At least he didn't have to work very early tomorrow, well, later today, if he was going to be precise.

Ryo gave their surroundings a once over and looked back at Kame expectantly. "So, are we going to have sex?"

Kame opened his mouth to tell Ryo of _course_ they weren't going to have sex, then he stopped and considered. He looked around the closet. The closet which seemed to contain most of Nino's clothes neatly organized into groups of coats, sweaters, and lighter weight shirts, at the rows of shoes all lined up against the wall. He looked back at Ryo and thought about the havoc they could potentially wreak, and made up his mind. "Yes. We are going to have sex. Now."

Ryo looked pleasantly surprised, "Huh, I really didn't think that would work."

Kame just shrugged as he pulled Ryo flush against him. "Just shut up and enjoy yourself."

~~~

Jun was exhausted. It had been a hellishly long day of filming and promotional appearances and he wanted nothing more than to go home to his nice quiet apartment. However his nice quiet apartment was much further away than Nino's place and Jun had to be up and functioning again in mercilessly few hours. He stayed with Nino often enough that he had a spare key and he knew that if he was quiet there was a chance Nino wouldn't even realize he had been there.

He needn't have worried, as Jun toed off his shoes in the entryway of the apartment he could see a sliver of light from Nino's partially opened bedroom door stripe the hallway carpet. He heard the faint sounds of Zelda and he figured it was probably safe to push the bedroom door open. Nino looked up at him, smiled, and immediately looked back down at his DS. "Hey Jun-chan, c'mon in."

Jun dragged his feet across the carpet to stand at the foot of the bed and sighed. Nino paused his game and peered up at him. "Long day?"

"So long, you have no idea."

Nino actually looked concerned as he patted the bed in in front of his crossed legs, "Awww, poor Jun-chan. Lay down and bitch about it if it makes you feel better."

Jun wanted nothing more than to flop down on the bed and rant about inefficient scheduling until he was relaxed enough to sleep. He was just about to take Nino up on his offer when he heard a rhythmic thumping noise coming from Nino's closet.

"Nino... You hear that noise right? Is it coming from your closet?" Jun looked at Nino who just looked back up at Jun with the expression he always used when he was trying to look innocent and really didn't want to answer any pointed questions. Jun really hated that expression. He turned to face Nino with narrowed eyes. "What did you do?"

Nino was unconcerned, "It's not a big deal, that's probably just Nishikido trying to get me to let him out."

"What did you do?!?" Jun demanded, horrified. There could not possibly be any good reason for Nino to have Ryo in his closet at three-thirty in the morning.

"Oh calm down, it's not like he's lonely or anything." Nino chuckled to himself like he had told a particularly clever joke, "Kamenashi-kun is in there keeping him company."

"Oh good grief." Jun snarled. "You know, one of these days you are going to land your scheming ass in jail and I am **Not** bailing you out!" He stormed over to the closet and wrenched the door open only to be greeted with the sight of Ryo and Kamenashi Kazuya curled up around each other in a tangle of mostly naked limbs on what seemed to be some of Nino's jackets. " _What_ did you _Do_!"

Ryo smiled up at him like this was an everyday occurrence, "Don't get your panties in a bunch, we were just passing the time until psycho over there decided to let us out."

"He started it!" Nino exclaimed indignantly.

Ryo pushed himself off of Kamenashi's chest and stretched, Jun couldn't help but stare a bit at the way his stomach muscles moved as Ryo shouted back at Nino. " _You_ started it Mr. Public Molestation!"

Nino sounded mollified, "Well if you're going to look at it _that_ way, I guess I did." 

Kame sat up and muttered "Like we said." under his breath as he pulled on his shirt.

Jun had had just about enough, he crossed his arms over his chest with a huff. "I can't believe this, you have been putting me off for years but you'll screw Kamenashi on Nino's shoes! I just... arg! I can't even look at you right now!" 

Ryo fixed him with a small frown, Jun knew it well, it was the one he always used when he thought Jun was over-reacting to something. "Oh, quit being such a diva."

Kame held up his index finger and fixed him with a calm gaze, "Actually, Matsumoto-sempai, I think you'll find that _I_ screwed _him_ on Nino's shoes.

Ryo rolled his eyes as he pulled on his pants, "Not helping, Kame."

Kame just shrugged and handed Ryo his shirt, "What? I just like to make sure everyone has their facts straight."

As Jun stood there gaping Nino crowded in behind him, peering over his shoulder. "They had sex on my shoes? Really?" Nino asked, managing to sound both incredulous and offended... and maybe a little impressed.

Ryo's answering grin was shark-like and his tone clearly self-satisfied, "Well, I guess you got the best of us again, Nino. Kame and I are just going to be heading out now. Catch you later, Jun."

Jun whined and rubbed his forehead, "I am going to need so many drinks to erase this from my memory."

Kame started to follow Ryo out of the bedroom but paused at the door to smile serenely at Nino. "Thank you very much for your hospitality. Oh, and Ninomiya-sempai, I wouldn't wear those green sneakers again before you have the chance to get them cleaned. It might be...uncomfortable."

Nino did not seem to know how to reply to this. Jun was impressed but all he did was whack Nino over the head and flop down on the bed to glare at the ceiling. Sometimes he was really unclear how he got himself into the middle of these things. Probably had something to do with prolonged exposure to trouble makers. "So **very** many drinks."

Nino sounded almost chipper in the face of Jun's mental anguish. "You know, I got the feeling they didn't really learn their lesson."

"Nino, drop it for now please? I need to sleep." Jun whined.

Nino patted his head in reply. "Sleep is for the weak, Jun-chan!" Nino's grin promised pure mayhem, Jun just hoped that this time the mayhem would be directed towards someone who wasn't him. "C'mon, I'll make some coffee, you're going to help me plan my revenge!"

**Author's Note:**

> I'll be more than happy to explain the VS Arashi game I mentioned in more detail if any one is interested, just let me know.


End file.
